The Three "L" Theory

Few days ago I was having coffee with a friend and the fickle topic of men was brought up again. Our gossipy-juicy-chatter soon turned to a full-blown philosophical debate on men (!) Seriously, sometimes I feel like I live and breathe men. Its all I can think about! As if I have nothing better to do with my life. After all I do have a graduate degree from a world renowned university - the University of Cambridge! One would assume I have a broad spectrum of topics to dive into. Right? Alas, I must disappoint. I really don't. Its all about men with me. (oops)

Anyway, as we were sitting there sipping our morning coffee discussing the qualities we look for in a man (and yes, we are both currently single), my friend mentioned something very enthralling. The Three "L" Theory, she called it. And yes, you guessed right, a Three "L" Theory about men! You didn't really expect it to be a mathematical theory, did you now? This said, I do wish men were straightforward and uncomplicated maths theories. You know, 1 + 1 equals 2. And not, 1 + 1 (+ 1) equals 2. The + 1 being a girlfriend, fiancee, wife and the (+1) the office secretary, nanny, local whore, etc. When I think about it some of my male friends apply rather complicated mathematical equations to their love life:  

1 + 1 (+ 1) (+ 1) (+ 1)(+ 1)(+ 1)(+ 1)(+ 1)(+ 1)  STILL equals 2.

Argh, some men really need to learn how to count (!) 

In any case, lets go back to The Three "L" Theory! It is a rather plausible theory I want to share with you, my dearest. My friend and I were talking about the sought-after qualities in men. You know, things like tall, handsome, smart, wears clean underwear, always waits for us to cum first (haha, as if such a man exists) and of course follows the 1 + 1 equals 2 equation strictly!! And as we were trying to describe our ideal man we both realised that such a wonderful male species is nowhere to be found. And even if he was, doubt he was still single. So, when it comes down to finding our ideal mating mate we must make big compromises! Settle down for less, if you wish! We are forced to pick and choose between the Three L's: Laughter, Lust and Loyalty!  Laughter being someone we enjoy spending time with, who makes us laugh and is not embarrassed to be seen with us in public. Lust for someone hunky who knows how to ride us.  And Loyalty is for a man we can trust and have utter confidence in his fidelity. Any keepers out there? 

As there are little to zero keepers on planet Mars we need prioritise the L-qualities for ourselves and decide which ones are essential to us, and which ones we can overlook. With my 2012-man I went for Laughter and Lust. We would laugh together for hours and have hot sex. But he was a little murky on the whole Loyalty concept. My friend, on the other hand, prefers to have Laughter and Loyalty. She enjoys security and companionship. And my gay best friend goes for Lust and Loyalty. He likes to have a good shag with a nice loyal boy. He is too serious and old to laugh anyway.

No matter which L-quality you choose remember finding a man packed with all three is almost impossible. But if you were lucky enough to find a 3-FOR-1 package deal, don't let it get away! Relationships are compromises. Compromises with yourself, and the man you are with. Think hard and long before you endeavour in one because ending up with the wrong set of L's can make you miserable. So, tell me, my dearest, what are your preferences?