Having lived with my gay best friend [D] for the past six months I have realised the gay world is no easy place to be. Sex, gossip, drama and dick sizes - a harsh reality for many! And although the digital world has made it so much easier to arrange midnight hook-ups and round the corner blowjobs, sites such as Plentyoffish and Grindr, fail to protect one from the heartache and emotional turbulence that come with internet dating. Gay, straight or bi we are all looking for that someone special, but in a male dominated world where sex is an emotionless act, the search for the one is that much harder. So why is that I wonder? Why is to so hard for men to commit, gay or straight?
Take D for example. He has had numerous hook-ups and meaningless one-night stands over the past ten years that have gradually turned him into a commitment phoebe. And the one time he did carry his heart on his sleeve it was crushed to pieces. It took him three years to even consider the possibility of dating someone again. And recently he has been seeing a new man. A handsome young chap who happens to live 134 miles away, making their newly found attraction for one another that much harder to maintain. And to top things their start was a rather rocky one. A week ago his new man took him to London to see The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal National Theatre. A dream come true for many! They stayed at a five star hotel down in Mayfair and had wild kinky sex. His man treated him to expensive dinners and posh luncheons, took him out for long romantic walks and even introduced him to some of his London friends.
Aha, you are wondering what exactly is rocky here? Well, as it so happens his new man had planned a rather extensive weekend involving play dates of his own. And when he jumped on that train home he took a little detour. He came to our city and secretly wined and dinned another man. A man he had been casually seeing for some time now and who happens to live a mile away from us. And he might have gotten away with it had it not been D he was trying to cheat. You see my friend is KGB in the making. He will stalk, observe and spy on his men and pick up on any irregularities or suspicions he might have. And he did just that, he knew his new man was hiding something but little did he know it was another man!
D confronted his new man about it who quickly admitted to everything and instead of never speaking to him again, he took a one-way ticket to talk things through. And shortly before he left I asked him why he was doing it and his reply was "He reminds me of my ex. He makes me feel the same way my ex did...I feel jealous and suspicious again!" I was taken aback by his logic. Why would he ever want to tip his toes in the same waters that made him so miserable in the first place? Did he not learn his lesson? His answer to this was "He is different. He wants a relationship. In the gay world, finding someone who wants to commit is a keeper!" And then it all made sense. The gay world is a harsh place to be and when you eventually find someone willing to commit, you must make compromises to keep them. I have made such compromises many times before, all with tragic endings, but it was not the hurt of losing someone that damaged me, it was the fact that I made compromises with myself! I turned a blindfold to many things I shouldn't have and allowed to be treated in ways I did not deserve. And unlike my gay best friend, I am willing to learn from my previous mistakes and never allow someone to abuse me again. After all, we get the love we think we deserve and I will never deserve to be someone's second.
Aha, you are wondering what exactly is rocky here? Well, as it so happens his new man had planned a rather extensive weekend involving play dates of his own. And when he jumped on that train home he took a little detour. He came to our city and secretly wined and dinned another man. A man he had been casually seeing for some time now and who happens to live a mile away from us. And he might have gotten away with it had it not been D he was trying to cheat. You see my friend is KGB in the making. He will stalk, observe and spy on his men and pick up on any irregularities or suspicions he might have. And he did just that, he knew his new man was hiding something but little did he know it was another man!
D confronted his new man about it who quickly admitted to everything and instead of never speaking to him again, he took a one-way ticket to talk things through. And shortly before he left I asked him why he was doing it and his reply was "He reminds me of my ex. He makes me feel the same way my ex did...I feel jealous and suspicious again!" I was taken aback by his logic. Why would he ever want to tip his toes in the same waters that made him so miserable in the first place? Did he not learn his lesson? His answer to this was "He is different. He wants a relationship. In the gay world, finding someone who wants to commit is a keeper!" And then it all made sense. The gay world is a harsh place to be and when you eventually find someone willing to commit, you must make compromises to keep them. I have made such compromises many times before, all with tragic endings, but it was not the hurt of losing someone that damaged me, it was the fact that I made compromises with myself! I turned a blindfold to many things I shouldn't have and allowed to be treated in ways I did not deserve. And unlike my gay best friend, I am willing to learn from my previous mistakes and never allow someone to abuse me again. After all, we get the love we think we deserve and I will never deserve to be someone's second.
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