7 Steps of Letting Go Of A Failed Relationship or a Crush

Failure is painful. And a failed relationship is just as heart-breaking. Maybe the two of you shared a fairy-tale come true until you caught him cheating, or maybe you have been hoping to ask out the cute boy at the gym and he turned you down. No matter what the situation was know you are not alone! We all have faced rejection and failed loves but remember 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!' And I am a living proof of that. After having ended things with my 2012-man I felt down for awhile but instead of spending days in bed depressed, I got up and focused on myself! I do admit at times I felt like I was never going to be happy again, desperate to have one last night with him. I can not count the times my fingers itched to call him and beg for his forgiveness, until one day I woke up and told myself ENOUGH! It was time to move on and change my ways. It was time to change ME! And three months down the line I have had a make-over,  rekindled flames with former lovers (note: strictly fuck buddies) and have even secured a new exciting job! But before I accomplished all that let me share with you my 7 steps of letting go and becoming a better you.

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1. Rome wasn't built in a day - letting go of someone is painful and before you can begin to seek closure you need to give yourself time to mourn. Open up that bottle of champagne you have been saving for a special occasion; call a friend to cry on their shoulder; or take a week off work to clear your head. Cry, shout, scream - do whatever you feel like you need to do to start healing. And remember this step is very important. You cannot start letting go before you had time to reflect on what has just happened to you and the pain you feel inside. It took me a long time to accept things weren't right with my 2012-man, and even longer to realise he could never give me what I wanted. Yes, crazy sex positions and the occasional weed supply were all good but not what I was looking for. I wanted a friend just as much as I wanted a great fuck. But just as Rome wasn't build in a day, rebuilding yourself will not happen overnight.

2. The delete button - its time for action! Delete his number, de-friend him from Facebook and throw away anything that reminds you of him. Turn up that Beyonce song in the process: "to the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to left." And no hesitations, ladies! Time to erase everything about him, the same way you kicked his sorry ass to the curb! And if you happen to hang out at the same places and with the same people, it is time to grab your closest friends and hit the new hot-spots in town. Change of scenary is always good!

3. Fuck buddies - it might not be everyone's cup of tea but just like Barney Stinsens in How I Met Your Mother, I also have a playbook of sorts. My playbook consists of fuck buddies I call in time of need. Boredom, break ups, stress - I have a collection of hand-picked lovers to come over and take my mind off things. One rule though - no emotions just physical attraction!  It took me a while to even consider re-opening my playboy but tonight I am going to have my hot Brazilian lover pay me a house call. But if you are morally against it or just can't be bothered with sex, a movie night with a friend will do just as good. 

4. Hobbies - as my gay best friend keeps telling me "You have no hobbies other than men. You need to find something else that makes you happy!" Although partially true, I believe I have found my calling - blogging! Writing down how I feel is a true eye-opener. Not only has it helped me reflect on my emotional well-being but it has also given me sudden insights to my patterns with men. It has helped me realise how much time I spent thinking about getting laid when I could have focused my attention on far-better things to do, like finding a new job or undergoing a makeover. If you enjoy writing, take out a pen and paper and write down your recent disappointments. You would be surprised how much clearer things are when written in black and white. Sudden self-realisations will surface and as your grievance lessens, the whole situation will be become clearer to you. What is more, you will motivate yourself to become a better you and follow your dreams, the ones which do not involve men! So, instead of staring at his old photo, take out your diaries and start writing! 

5. Friends and family - a strong support system is key! There is nothing better than your family and friends at times like these! But chances are you have distanced yourself from your friends, or even family, because you have spent all your energy and time fixating on your man! And I am no exception to this rule. When New Years arrived, I suddenly realised I have not seen my friends in months and instead of having a blast out with my friends, I was stuck home waiting for my 2012-man's arrival. But do not fret, chicas, for good friends are always here in a time of need! I called up friends I hadn't seen in ages and soon my social calendar was full. Coffees, dinners, movies - it was great to be around people again! So, if you are mopping tonight - don't! Pick up your phone and ring your friends to celebrate your freedom at last!

6. Out with the old, in with the new - one of the hardest things in life is breaking habits! That is why I have been so unsuccessful in quitting smoking. But once you break a habit, the feeling of freedom is undeniable! And letting go of someone is much the same as breaking free from an addiction. You might not realise it yet but all that time you spent obsessing over that someone you created a new habit for yourself. Have you ever woken up to the thought of your crush? Or gone to bed daydreaming about seeing them tomorrow? Well, that is nothing more than a bad habit that must be extinguished! And just like smokers, you are addicted. Addicted to the thought of him. But ladies it is time to break those nasty habits! The thing that helped me most was anytime I thought about him I took out my phone and played a game. Lame, I know, but it really helped me distract myself from thinking about the good old times  with my 2012-man. Try it! Anytime a thought or memory of that someones crosses your mind, start doing something you enjoy. A game, music, book, gym - anything you fancy! So, ladies, out with the old and in with the new!

7. Acceptance - when a relationship ends women always look for answers. What did I do wrong? Was I not smart, attractive, sane enough? Etc etc. We suddenly start doubting ourselves. What if, I did not get drunk last night and call him twenty times? What if, I did not have that jealous outburst  when I saw him staring at the waitresses ass? Aww, all those familiar questions that keep swirling in our heads and no matter how much we try to make sense out of it all, we simply can't. And believe me, men don't waste a second thinking about what they did or did not do wrong - they just accept its over. And so should we. There is no point in imaging how different things would have turned out have you not done this and that. Because let me reassure you anything you did was a response to how that person made you feel and if they brought out the worst in you, well, they sure were not worth your time! For me, it was drinking vast amounts of alcohol to numb the feeling of it being a doomed thing. Deep down inside I always knew it was a momentarily fling but I just could not accept  it. And the most important step is accepting its over. Even if you do end up rekindling your passion, the dynamic that once was, has long gone. Have you ever gone back to an ex just to realise what a huge mistake it was? I have done it! I went back to my first love a month after we had broken up but it never felt the same. Something between us had broke and no matter how hard we tried to fix it we both knew it was over. As my gay best friend likes to say "Whenever it starts - its the right time; and when its over - its over!" Accepting that loss, defeat or rejection without questioning yourself is the key to finding peace and your new road to happiness.