The Exes

Do you still remember your first love? Or are you secretly longing for your bad boy long gone? This week an era of my life is coming to an end and I have recently been reminiscing about my past. Thoughts about all my exes have been swirling in my head over and over again. Thinking about my past lead to me to re-evaluate my life, work prospects, and even the issue of why I don't have a life-partner yet. It did not help sharing my thoughts with my parents as I swear at times I think they only see me as a grandchildren-bearing-machine and the reality of having been single for the past three years scares them. But what do they expect? I am only twenty-five! And have been in serious relationships since the age of seventeen. Five relationships to be precise - all a one year commitment ending up with me running away scared. And when I turned twenty-two I realised I have really never known what it is to be single, and if I ever wanted to find the right man I had to be on my own for a while. Three years down the line I am as confused as ever. Maybe a list summarising all my exes will help me make sense of what I look for in my ideal mating mate.

                                                                                                                                                 1.  The First One

Aww, that sweet innocent childhood love. The one people say never tastes sweeter. Well, not exactly as I was in love with a bad boy. A bad-boy-car-mechanic for that matter. A boy who left school at the age of sixteen and made the ultimate decision to devote his entire life on fixing cars...And women! And although he was neither educated nor smart, he had the best looking pair of abs I had ever seen. Everywhere we went women would fire jealous-stares at me, whispering to one another what a shame it was that such a good-looking boy has been taken already. Yes, I must admit eight years ago he was a stunner. I recently stalked him on Facebook, and boy, has he changed - fat, bolding, infantile.... Aww, that first sweet love - how insane it was! 

Good Qualities	Bad Qualities
A stunner. Always feels good to have an eye-candy by your side.	No job prospects. Don't get me wrong, we can't all marry billionaires but if his dreams won't even pay next months rent, he is a no-go.
My first. Yes, he was my first. In everything. And he had the right tools to be an excellent teacher.	His friends. I did not like his friends. They would always encourage him to prove his 'masculinity'. And cheating is no test for one's manhood.
His family. I loved his family and they loved me. Lovely, simple people who to this day claim I was the best thing he ever had.	Different. Simply put we came from two different worlds and were heading into two different directions. It would have never worked, even if we shared R&J's undying love.

     2.  My Freshman Boyfriend

Although my second boyfriend was not a freshman himself, I was. It was one of the first boys I met during Freshers Week and was instantly attracted to him. He was a DJ. A popular University DJ and girls lined up for hours to see him play. He had that mysterious artistic appeal I so quickly fell for. And as a boyfriend he was never clingy for he had little time to spare and too many groupies to occupy his time with. As our relationship deteriorated I got to see less and less of him - always sleeping during the day and at gigs during the evenings. And the less time he had for me, the more time I had to look for someone else. And I found just that. ;)

Good Qualities	Bad Qualities
A DJ. Always good to be seen with the local star. And his limelight rubbed off on me.	Always busy. Dating a local celebrity meant that either he was asleep or at a gigs. And his cheating affairs were always made public.
VIP treatment. Although he was never a clingy type when he had his full focus on me he made me feel special. He would always take me backstage at concerts and treat me to the expensive meals.	Speed addict. He liked his drugs and was always high on something. Not only did I disapprove of his extracurricular activities, it meant that most times he could not perform sexually. Not the ideal man for a hormone-raging college freshman.
	Different.

  3.  Back to the beginning

Yes, I was dating my first boyfriend again. And as predicted it was a mistake. But old habits do die hard! And it is always so easy going back to an ex. I am not sure why though - it is not like things have changed. The same old shit isstill there and although I said I didn't care with how many women he had been with since we've parted, jealousy soon creeped in! Take my advice - leave the past behind. But if you do decide to go back to an ex just remember people rarely change! You will soon end up back on that same painful ride you once desperately wished to jump off!

  4.  The Alpha Male

Oh my, number four!! I still shiver at the thought of him! He was an alpha-dog - the leader of the pack and women fell to his knees. I guess my attraction for him dates back to prehistoric roots when women sought to be sheltered and protected by the stronger species of the group and who better than the leader of the heard? But such men always come with baggage - the non-commitment and non-exclusive package! They are afraid to commit for their options are endless. And at the age of twenty-one they rather be seen shot dead than with an exclusive girlfriend. But I managed to keep my little alpha dog for an entire year and what a blissful year it was. Okay, I think I am exaggerating  a little, forgetting all the heartache and disappointments I endured during those dreadful twelfth months. But there is one thing I can never deny - he was, and still remains, the best fuck I have ever had! My knees get weak at the thought of all the crazy sex positions and naughty places we sneaked to. But as my friend once told me "If you can't face the consequences - don't do the actions". And I took it all.

Good Qualities	Bad Qualities
Alpha-dog. Always centre of attention and his 'bitch' the most sought-after of them all.	Commitment phoebe. Most men suffer from this peculiar disease but for alpha males it is carcinogenic.
Sex. There is no one better in bed than someone confident and experienced. You end up being fucked in ways you never thought possible.	Likes to run free. Being with such a man means you can never be sure where he is and what he is up to. And he always has a heard of loyal followers to back up his wild stories. Trust becomes a major problem.
Alone time. When alone with such a man, you are made to feel like you are the most special woman on this planet. These types of men are not only good with hands but also with their words. A dangerous combination.	Loses interest. Unfortunately sooner or later such men always lose interest. And it takes a lot of skill to see it coming. I did and was able to get out of it on time. Months later he did try to have me back but luckily I already belonged to a different pack.

  5.  The Geek

Not long after I broke it off with my alpha male I decided it was time to play it safe. I wanted to find someone who was willing to look after me for a change. The type of man who brings you flowers, cooks you breakfast and spends all his free time with you. A man who does not glance at other woman or fantasises about infidelity. A man true to himself, and to you. And I was blessed to have such a keeper in my life. He was top of his class; always there when I needed him; and cuddled me to sleep each night. I felt safe and loved. It was just so easy between the two of us. We made plans for a future together and when I got accepted to one of the top Universities in the world, he couldn't have been prouder. But at that crucial age of twenty-two I was not willing to settle down and give up my freedom. At once the sense of security turned into feelings of entrapment. I felt as if I was missing out on life and all the potential men out there. As if I will never have a life again. Dramatic, I know, but that is how I felt. I was just too unwilling to commit for life. I knew I had to let him go no matter how great things between us were. It reminds me of a story my dad once told me. When he was twenty-five he met a woman and got engaged. But as their wedding day approached, he suddenly felt as if he was missing out on something and broke it off instantaneously. Although it took him six years to meet my mum afterwards, he never once regretted his decision.

Good Qualities	Bad Qualities
Caring. Always be his centre of attention. He will not forget to call or text. He will not lie or cheat.	Sex. Unfortunately such lovers tend to be rather mundane and for a twenty-two year old me good sex was vital.
Prospects. Such men always have the greatest career prospects and my geek was no exception. He is currently an IT expert at one of the largest, if not the largest, banks in the world.	Boredom. I seek thrills in my life and unfortunately security for me equals boredom. I need to have my heart broken over and over again to feel alive.
Security. You can always count on him being there for you. He will never let you down or betray your trust.	Not right. It was not right for me. Or at least not right for me at the time. I needed something different.
Stability. He will never dream of being with another woman whilst he is still with you. And if he does develop feelings for someone else, be assured he will let you know way before anything ever happens.

Looking back at my exes I realise how different they are and yet I was unhappy with each one of them. If I were to create my ideal mating mate, I would have to patch their traits together and make that 'perfect man'. Unfortunately, no matter how advanced modern science may be, it is impossible to complete such a task. I just have to learn to compromise. But then which negative traits do I overlook? Should it be the never available one, or the bad in bed ? Some negative habits (such as drug use) are easy to exclude but what happens if I fall in love with an alpha male again? Do I accept the fact that he will never be loyal? Or should I play it safe and settle down with a boring guy? Or am I just too picky? I guess only time will tell...